Making a difference

Det er en så trist og brutal verden vi lever i, og dette fikk vi så absolutt bevist da "Dennis McGuire ble henrettet med giftsprøyte ved Southern Ohio Correctional Facility i Lucasville i Ohio" for bare et par dager siden, og "hev etter pusten i 15 minutter før han døde" fordi den nye miksturen i giftsprøyta de brukte ikke fungerte "godt nok" (les her). Skrev så vidt om årsaken til den nye miksturen i et innlegg litt tidligere her. Men heldigvis er det da noen deler av verden som ennå er fine; nytt brev fra L på torsdag, og han hadde igjen med et innlegg jeg kunne dele her.

Making a difference

So, you’ve decided that you want to write someone who is incarcerated. You might have already found someone that you want to write or you’ve decided what you are looking for in someone that you want to write. The next question to ask yourself is what you want to accomplish in that persons’ life. Do you want to be a friend, an inspiration, a mentor, the list goes on and on. It is something that you don’t have to set in concrete as it can change and develop as your relationship with an inmate progresses.

The key to developing anything more than a superficial acquaintance with an inmate is persistence and consistency. The reason is that most inmates are not familiar with relationships that do not involve family, sex, or money. The idea that someone might be interested in them or their welfare without wanting or giving something material in return is foreign to them. There is normally a wall around the heart of an inmate that can be difficult to overcome. This is where your persistence and consistency come into play. Because when things get dicey or feelings come into the picture, an inmate may try to push away from that; it is a scary place for him or her. This is an almost instinctive response, but if you push right back, being firm in your ideals and commitment to them, then something real and positive can blossom. I’ll give you an example:

D—found I—on an inmate site. They wrote for about 2 months before I— asks D— for some money. D— writes and tells I— that no money will be sent but that he would like to be I—‘s friend. I— writes an ugly letter and tells D— that there will be no more letters. 

D— writes back to I— and tells I— that he believes that they could be good friends if I— understands and respects D—‘s boundaries. D— tells I— that he is looking forward to hearing from him. 

I— does not respond. 

D— keeps writing I— and telling I— about what is going on in his life and expressing an interest in I—‘s life. This goes on for about 3 months. 

I— finally responds to D--. 

From this point on I— begins to develop an understanding that he can be valued for himself and value others not for some gain or expectation but just because they care for each other. This could be a turning point in an inmate’s life, the point where healthy relationships begin. And it did not cost more than an hour and a stamp every couple of weeks, well and a heart that truly cares.

The above was a story told to me by another inmate. It was a neat story to hear him tell it. He tried to put a cool spin on it, about how he gave in to this person even though he would not send him any money, like he was doing him a favour. I could tell, though, that he valued his friendship with D--. It was a place where I— didn’t have to wear a mask or hide behind some expected mentality. I—‘s life had changed, and he didn’t even realize it. I did, and I thanked God that this person I didn’t even know showed such caring in his consistency and persistence.

In this way is the world changed, one life at a time.