Life II

Da kommer siste del av talen til L, og personlig mener i alle fall jeg at han har mange gode poeng når en bare tenker gjennom hva det er han egentlig sier.

One of my other missions is to change the world in here. Not by filling grievances or lawsuits. I am not a whiner, anymore. The best way to change our world is to first change ourselves. So I set about making that change, and now I want to be a part of helping others change for the better. If you can believe it, my life is full of love and happiness here in prison. I am truly free for the first time behind these walls. I have learned how to be unselfish and to seek joy in the small things. I see in each of you here a man that can, by his change of heart, become a force for making prison a better place, a place where love and compassion can be found. Do you know what will happen when we do that? These prisons will become unnecessary. You want to start a revolution? Do you want to make your mark on the world? Become a part of changing this world and you will never be forgotten.

I am tired of hearing people say that they cannot make a change in anything. It is a lie and a coward’s way out. What about Mr. Morris and the other volunteers that come here. If they truly believed that they could not make a difference, do you think they would be here? I sometimes imagine them, the volunteer, sitting at a table looking at all the programs that they sponsor, figuring out how many people they will truly reach. What makes it worth it to them? Are they happy to reach one individual? Do they want to reach 15%, 25%, 50%, or 90%? I look at someone like Mr. Morris and I am in awe of the time that they sacrifice, the love that is evident, and I don’t know about you, I feel a little unworthy of that. I do know that I want to make him and all of the other people who give so freely to us, proud of me. I want them to be able to go home and say to their family or to their God, «I did it, I made a difference today». I know that it is the same thing that I want to say too at the end of each day.

I have come to a point in my life where this life sentence is not something that can keep me down. Sure, I have my moments, but my desire, no my need to become a part of making our world, in here and out there and in the future something better outweighs all other considerations.

I am a self-proclaimed Atlas, I bear the weight of my world willingly upon my shoulders, mostly. I have my missions and my duties, and I have all of you, my brothers. And together we can become a force to be reckoned with, an Army for the cause of positive forward movement, an Army that can re-make all aspects of our world. I humbly ask each of you to join me in this adventure, this quest. It won’t be easy, but the rewards will be uncountable.

Life I

Joda, vi er her fortsatt, og vi skriver fortsatt brev. Men jeg har i alle fall selv litt tungt for å skrive her inne for tiden fordi det er mye annet som opptar meg. Da er det jo fint å brevveksle med L, som ser ut til å ha mye på hjertet. Dette er faktisk første del av en tale han ga på et toastmaster program han er med på der inne, og han sa at jeg gjerne kunne dele den på bloggen. Dere trenger ikke bare å se på det i forhold til å skrive med en innsatt heller - se like gjerne på det som noen visdomsord for livet ditt generelt. Legger ut siste del i morgen.

Life

Here in the last 8 years or so, I have often asked myself what is it that makes a life worthy? Can my life have any meaning to others besides the fact that I am here in prison? I learned in psychology that these questions should be coming several decades from now in the psychological time-line of the aging process. I had to wonder, am I ahead of my time or am I just getting older more quickly in here?

Those of you who were here for my icebreaker several months ago may remember how dark my path was after I received this life sentence that I am serving. It was a shroud of sadness, pain and death that covered my entire world. There was no hope. I wanted to die. Every day was a journey through some hell of my own making. Fear made for my only friend, and he hated me. I didn’t die though; I finally awoke from that horrid dream.

I still had a life sentence though, with so many years ahead of me. I still wondered what I had to offer the world around me, but I finally made the conscious decision to make the attempt. There is a good possibility that in the end, I will die in infamy, remembered only for the wrongs that I have done. But, and I am so thankful there is a but, there is some small chance that Life in here might not mean that the world and I are through with each other.

I know you all might find this hard to believe, but I have such big dreams and goals. Even in here, my mind and heart have not stopped planning to change the world, to change all words, our world in here, our world out there, and our world in the future. My mind is a never resting machine so full of… everything, that I sometimes have to force myself to stop. Some of you who know me, know that I have this insatiable desire to just do something.

I have many missions. I have so many missions that I am like a battlefield general, trying to juggle them all so that each of them have a chance to succeed. I must, because they are all very important to the success of my life, not necessarily the success of each mission but the following through of each mission.

For instance, one of my missions is a threefold mission. It is to foster a sense of duty to making amends to victims of a crime in my fellow inmates, of providing the vehicle to make those amends and to executing that vehicle. It is my belief that as person who have wronged society in some way, we have a duty to become better people and to become a force for the betterment of our society. Part of doing that is to become strong enough to admit to our wrongs and seek to offer redress to those that we have harmed. That redress can come in many forms. One of my projects is a compilation of essays done by inmates, sort of a, «What would you say to your victim or victims if you could talk to them». My intent is to publish these essays and donate all of the proceeds to victims charities. The funds will be donated in the names of all of the authors. As _______ passes out these sheets, I would invite each of you to write an essay and submit it.

Når brev virkelig overrasker

Etter å ha vært noen dager i USA (som helt klart betyr at jeg kommer til å reise tilbake igjen, som igjen åpner for flere muligheter til å besøke brevvennene mine), kom jeg hjem til en liten overraskelse i posten. T har en stund snakket om at han skulle sende meg noe annet enn bare et brev, og nå har det da altså blitt sendt.

Etter å ha skrevet brev med folk i den "frie" verden i snart fem år, føler jeg at jeg kan si at dette ikke er noe du vil oppleve å få fra den type brevvenner særlig ofte - med mindre de er stortegnere. Så det å plutselig finne disse tegningene i en konvolutt (Jokertegningen er nesten A4-størrelse, og begge er kopier av bilder jeg har sendt)... det gjorde meg i grunn ganske målløs. Jeg bruker vanligvis ikke å vise mye fra brevene mine til mange, men akkurat dette måtte jeg ta med meg på stua og vise mamma. Helt klart en flott overraskelse jeg satte utrolig stor pris på! Det fins så mye talent bak murene...

Monika